Today was a good day! Yesterday was NOT! Funny how that works. The difference between the 2 = prayer!
Yesterday, my kids were using my parents' home like a gymnasium and driving us all nuts. They'd spent the weekend with their dad and his mother who was visiting. Grandma-ma baked and they ate nothing but sugar all weekend. Gotta love it when I get the consequences. NOT!
So, the kids were hopped up and the 3 adults screaming at them didn't help. We've moved into that comfortable place where my parents think they can discipline my children themselves, or rather undermine my discipline. Confusing at 40.... can't imagine how nuts it is when sugar has short-circuited a 4 year old brain.
All this, in addition to other weird family dynamics, the anticipation of the hand-off after soccer practice and my own attempts at climbing the crumbling walls of the pit of depression and yesterday chalked up to a BAD day.
Thankfully, I put the word out on Facebook and asked for prayers..... about an hour later, things had turned around. Kids had calmed down, the hand-off and soccer practice were uneventful and I got called for a job interview.... in addition to the fact that my brother and sister-in-law fed me dinner last night..... but more than anything... I could feel, in that surreal, ethereal sense that something was different. My brothers and sisters in faith were dragging my weary soul to the well.... I felt it. I am thankful!
Today was Great.... Woke up today ready to take on the challenges of my crazy life. I spent some good time in fellowship with a chaos sister and some time in the word. Ran errands and then spent a great afternoon with my kids.
We went to Wash Park, rode bikes, played on the playground, watched construction equipment repair the old boat house, made new friends, got ice cream at Bonnie Brae, then went to the mall and just happened to catch Gnomeo and Juliet with the AMC Theaters $5 Weekday flicks, spent an hour playing on the crazy play place, then went home exhausted!
In the meantime, I got a call about another job interview.
Mostly, it was a great day because I was with my kids... an no other agenda. I wasn't concerned about getting home to send off more resumes, look for jobs, clean house, fix dinner, etc.
Instead, my only agenda was to enjoy my kids and spring break!
Tomorrow, its MOPS in the morning, then we're off to Casa Bonita with the cousins for a Colorado tourist/gastrointestinal adventure!
Praying for another good day!
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
One Day At A Time...
The realization that, with joint custody, I am no longer witness to over 50% of my children's lives pierces my heart to the core. This is not what I signed up for. I did not put my kids in full time daycare to continue to work for this very reason. Ironic isn't it?
Between 1st grade for C., 3 morning a week preschool for J., and 3 nights a week at their dad's house, my time with my kids has diminished significantly. I am now one of several adults who has primary influence over my children. That is a sobering fact for any mom. So, I know I've got to make my time with them the most influential.
This is one of many sad realizations that sneak up on me late at night and catches my breathe in midair. I remember talking myself out of a panic attack the first time I thought about my kids having to schlep their favorite belongings between 2 homes.
However, I've noticed that since the split in parenting duties, I'm much slower to anger, less easily frustrated with the kids. I'm more keenly aware of their emotional and physical needs. I spot sleepiness at 30 paces. I don't rebuke sassy talk with the same tone.
Instead of 24/7 togetherness, there is a bigger space between me and my children, a better understanding of emotional boundaries and their needs. I'm not enmeshed with my kids, simply because I am no longer in control of them 24/7. These are realities I knew I'd face as a mom. I just expected to face them closer to age 16 and not so close to age 6.
My kids have experiences at this age (7 & 4) I don't ever know about. I see a new found confidence in both of them because they are successfully navigating this new adventure their on, to a certain extent. (I've worked hard to spin this upheaval as an adventure, instead of a struggle.) Gulp! I also recognize a gentleness and peace in my children when they are with me that wasn't present before. This peace isn't present when they are around their dad, and it disappears completely when their dad and I are in the same room.
One of my greatest fears as a parent is not being available for my kids. Little did I realize how "unavailable" I'd been with them in recent months. Because the economy of time seemed rather liberal at that point, there was not the sense of intentionality there is now.
During the 4 months of "separated but living under the same roof," I was shell shocked and struggling to guard myself emotionally. Those 4 months were not my best parenting days, by any stretch. I didn't want to alienate my kids from their dad, but I certainly checked out from the wife/household executive role.
Now, while the kids are with their dad, I have time to process my emotions, out of sight from my kids. My parenting is not dictated by my emotional needs, as it tended to be during those 4 months. While I'm intentional about letting the kids know that I am hurt and saddened by our situation, I'm not a heaping mess of tear-filled, snotty nosed goo on the floor. I can articulate my feelings better because I've had a chance to properly contain them. I am better able to share feelings appropriately, because I feel its paramount for them to understand that our circumstance and how it happened are NOT OK... but that we are going to be OK. They can still love their dad, even if I'm saddened by him. Their relationship with him is not the same as mine with him, and its OK that they are different. WHAT he did is not OK, but he is still OK.
With some space between the 3 of us, I'm willing to fight the nutrition, bedtime, bath time, homework battles now that I have a few more emotional reserves. I am relatively emotionally safe and it shows in my parenting.
I am so very thankful for these unforeseen blessings - the beauty and growth in me and my kids that is coming out of the burned out debris of a marriage gone bad! Proof yet again that God is in charge, and none of this is catching him off guard.
Between 1st grade for C., 3 morning a week preschool for J., and 3 nights a week at their dad's house, my time with my kids has diminished significantly. I am now one of several adults who has primary influence over my children. That is a sobering fact for any mom. So, I know I've got to make my time with them the most influential.
This is one of many sad realizations that sneak up on me late at night and catches my breathe in midair. I remember talking myself out of a panic attack the first time I thought about my kids having to schlep their favorite belongings between 2 homes.
However, I've noticed that since the split in parenting duties, I'm much slower to anger, less easily frustrated with the kids. I'm more keenly aware of their emotional and physical needs. I spot sleepiness at 30 paces. I don't rebuke sassy talk with the same tone.
Instead of 24/7 togetherness, there is a bigger space between me and my children, a better understanding of emotional boundaries and their needs. I'm not enmeshed with my kids, simply because I am no longer in control of them 24/7. These are realities I knew I'd face as a mom. I just expected to face them closer to age 16 and not so close to age 6.
My kids have experiences at this age (7 & 4) I don't ever know about. I see a new found confidence in both of them because they are successfully navigating this new adventure their on, to a certain extent. (I've worked hard to spin this upheaval as an adventure, instead of a struggle.) Gulp! I also recognize a gentleness and peace in my children when they are with me that wasn't present before. This peace isn't present when they are around their dad, and it disappears completely when their dad and I are in the same room.
One of my greatest fears as a parent is not being available for my kids. Little did I realize how "unavailable" I'd been with them in recent months. Because the economy of time seemed rather liberal at that point, there was not the sense of intentionality there is now.
During the 4 months of "separated but living under the same roof," I was shell shocked and struggling to guard myself emotionally. Those 4 months were not my best parenting days, by any stretch. I didn't want to alienate my kids from their dad, but I certainly checked out from the wife/household executive role.
Now, while the kids are with their dad, I have time to process my emotions, out of sight from my kids. My parenting is not dictated by my emotional needs, as it tended to be during those 4 months. While I'm intentional about letting the kids know that I am hurt and saddened by our situation, I'm not a heaping mess of tear-filled, snotty nosed goo on the floor. I can articulate my feelings better because I've had a chance to properly contain them. I am better able to share feelings appropriately, because I feel its paramount for them to understand that our circumstance and how it happened are NOT OK... but that we are going to be OK. They can still love their dad, even if I'm saddened by him. Their relationship with him is not the same as mine with him, and its OK that they are different. WHAT he did is not OK, but he is still OK.
With some space between the 3 of us, I'm willing to fight the nutrition, bedtime, bath time, homework battles now that I have a few more emotional reserves. I am relatively emotionally safe and it shows in my parenting.
I am so very thankful for these unforeseen blessings - the beauty and growth in me and my kids that is coming out of the burned out debris of a marriage gone bad! Proof yet again that God is in charge, and none of this is catching him off guard.
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