The last word on us. Or How Did I Get Here, part 2

In hindsight, I realize I've spent the better part of the previous 5-8 years striving, planning, submitting, leading, relaxing, tensing up, focusing and working on trying to make my marriage work. I went to counseling, read all the relationship books, sought advise, and memorized Proverbs 31.

Instead of owning up to the fact that his heart wasn't in it and he really wasn't interested in a relationship with me, I took on the responsibility that somehow I was the problem. If only I was thinner, better, smarter, more submissive, quieter, less outgoing, less or more of everything, less ME, then our relationship might work...I kept striving to be what he wanted, all the while trying not to lose myself. I failed miserably on both accounts.

I never realized the only thing he wanted from me was a way out. Its always easier to let someone else take responsibility for a situation when doing so yourself might make you look like a schmuck.

On the positive side, now that I no longer expect him to fulfill the role and duties of my husband, we are better able to focus on our kids. Albeit, not the way God intended, nor what I'd originally intended, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

Tempting as it is to rehash the gory details of my marriage, I've decided since my husband no longer wants a relationship with me,  continuing to dignify our marriage any further only proves destructive. So, I've said all I'm going to say about how it all fell apart.


This blog is where I can (over)share with those who are concerned and want to keep track of me, know how things are going and hear what God is doing in the midst of my currently messed-up life.  I can be accountable to look forward,  write and process this major life transition, establish a respectful co-parenting relationship my kids' dad, focus on the opportunity a new beginning provides and reflect on the relationships that still matter.

To vent my anger and frustration, my hurts and heartaches, I have girlfriends I  go clubbing* with. 

*Clubbing may or may not involve adult beverages, golf clubs and formerly sentimental reminders of previous relationships. Clubbing DOES NOT involve dance clubs, singles bars or other "meat market" type establishments.

Feel free to email me with questions, but please try not to take pot shots.... that doesn't help anyone.